I am furious!

Unless DH (which at the moment does NOT stand for dear husband...) changes his mind, I will not be able to update all of you until Monday.

He says that we are going to tell the parents over the weekend, but since he doesn't get to tell his coworkers until Monday/Tuesday that I am not allowed to update my blog, Email my friends, update the boards...or even tell my best friend what the results are.

So...I'm really sorry. I know how much we were ALL looking forward to the possibility of celebration, or commisseration...and now it's been postponed because he's on a power trip or some such crap. Unless I can force him to change his mind, I will respect his decision. No sneaking on, no accidentally messaging anyone. Nothing.

Please forgive me - I have no choice in this.
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EDIT/ADD ON: DH and I have been speaking. We have compromised. We will tell his parents Friday night before we leave so they have the opportunity to hug/dance/be excited with us personally. We will tell my parents Friday night (if they are awake when we get there, which is doubtful) or Saturday morning (as soon as we catch them). As soon as we are able to tell them, I will be allowed to update here. So...check back here Saturday night (I don't know when I will be able to update, exactly, so night should be good) for the results. I know it's not as good as knowing right away, but at least it's a compromise and y'all don't have to wait for Monday!

One day to go...and two songs

Only one more day to go until my beta! I'm a bit anxious, but I don't really have time to worry. I've had a few people ask what my "symptoms" are, so here's a list...and why I am putting no stock in them:

1) Peeing a lot, and it's orangish - It's possible I'm drinking more, since when it isn't orangy it's clear. I'm awake for longer, so it just goes that I would be drinking more.

2) I'm exhausted - but I'm only getting an average of 6 hours of sleep a night. I just started school and I haven't adjusted to a sleep pattern yet...at least not one that lets me get more than 6 hours. I've been taking naps every afternoon before work!

3) My nipples HURT! - my bb's usually hurt, because of the cysts, but now it's my nipples. They are threatening to leave me. I may be drinking more caffeine than usual, which could cause this - or they could just be being difficult. This isn't the first cycle this has happened.

4) My bb's are growing...again - at random! I noticed last night, so Aaron measured them and sure enough - they're growing again. But they do this - I all of a sudden go up two sizes for no reason.

5) I gag when I brush my teeth - but it could be because I'm still congested. I gag when I sneeze too, because it disturbs the mucus lining my throat!

So as you can see...pretty inconclusive. I'll find out tomorrow. And I have to admit that I'm worried about telling my mom - as you've seen in prior posts, she can be a bit of a killjoy. I want her to be excited and I'm afraid she'll say "Oh Jennifer...you're getting yourself in over your head. You just started school and you already told me you're having a hard time - it's going to be even harder now that you're pg. If you think you're tired now, just wait and see." I already told Aaron I expect him to defend us, and I'm hoping dad will back him up.

As for the songs I mentioned in the title: I've had two songs running through my head in the past week. I've afraid of what they mean - I haven't heard them in 16 and 12 years respectively and they all of a sudden popped into my head. That usually means God is trying to tell me something - and I don't really want to hear it right now.

"Dance, Dance, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he
I will lead you all, wherever you may be
I will lead you all to the Dance, said he"

They that wait upon the Lord
shall renew their strength
They shall rise up, with wings as eagles
They shall walk and not be weary
They shall run and not faint
Teach me, Lord, teach me Lord to wait.

Any suggestions, guys?

Well...I'm now about 9dpiui. I keep swinging from "If this worked" to "I don't think it worked, now what". I'm currently in the "Since this had to have worked" mode.

If we had managed this naturally I know exactly how I would have told DH. I would have grabbed my pee stick and gone speeding like mad to his office. I wouldn't have told him I was coming, but would have gotten security to let me up - or called his boss and asked HIM to let me up. I would have taken the pee stick and said "Hunny, I need your help. Please tell me what THIS says", holding the stick out to him.

Well...I don't get to do that. I won't be peeing on a stick, and it's not going to be a huge surprise if it worked. Yes, a surprise that it worked but a surprise we were expecting...if that makes any sense. So I don't get to go with my original thought.

I am making this post for a reason. I am asking your help in deciding how I should tell him. I don't want to act like it didn't work and then tell him it did - that's just mean. He's not a big sports fan, even of the local guys, so getting him baby memorabilia won't work. I just don't know...but I really really want a physical something as a teller. :) So...leave me a comment, give me your ideas. I'll figure out Friday what to do, just in case he deigns to read my blog. :) THANK YOU ALL!

I'm not gonna make it...

no, I ain't gonna make it. I ain't gonna make it...to the first! [/twisted sister parody]

This cycle is taking FOREVER! I just looked at FF - which informed me that I am, in fact, only 3dpiui today. Wait...it's only been 3 days? Are you SURE it hasn't been a week already? Maybe I'm beta-ing THIS Friday, not next?

ACK! I knew it would be a looooooong 2ww but this is ridiculous! It's only been 3 days and I'm already going crazy(er). Maybe it's because I'm in school, and am thus now aware of time passing...or because I've been so miserable from being sick.

Speaking of being sick, I have to admit I'm worried. Remember my friend Jo from my posts last month, the one I was so excited about because she was pg...and now isn't? Well, her doc thought that maybe because she got sick and had a really high fever around O that she essentially "cooked" her egg - and even though it implanted it wasn't viable because it was "hard-boiled". Well...I started getting sick the day before the IUI. By Saturday night I was running a fever of 99.9 (normal at this point in my cycle is 97.5). So now I have to face the fact that I may have cooked my own egg...and this worries me a lot. I don't want to m/c...I'd rather NOT get pg then to have that happen. And we can't afford to do the IUI again, so this is it.

I know I have to not worry, and I know I should call my RE. I also know that most of you think I'm just being a paranoid git, but I can't help it. I've waited so long for this - and I just know something's going to happen to screw it up. Something always happens.

Because I couldn't resist

I very rarely make these - it's just too painful sometimes. But I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic this cycle. So I make a ticker - I'm hoping it will automatically count down for me (and you).







(and yes I know, they're very girly and pink...we're hoping for a girl so I'm doing all I can to encourage that)

I'm officially PUPO

or "Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise". I've entered the most anticipated and yet longest 2ww of my journey. I hope that school and work will make it go by fast. We'll start with some events from yesterday and move to this very moment:

Yesterday I had the trigger shot (as mentioned below). I took a 2 hour nap afterwards and woke up with a sore throat. WTH is that?! I talked to the nurse at the RE's and she says "coincidence" - but I also talked to some girls over on the ITSG board and one said she ALWAYS got a sore throat after triggering. So I was hoping it was just that, but today my nose has joined the battle - at the moment it is threatening mutiny on my face if I don't stop blowing it. :(

The shot site is pretty swollen and red - looks like a bug bite of the big kind. Probably about 3" across - and sore, sore, sore. Feels like someone punched me. And I can tell the shot is working - at the moment my ovaries feel like baseballs. I can normally only feel the right side, regardless of what side I'm Oing on. Right now I can feel both sides...and it hurts big time. I haven't had cramps like this since I used to get AF in High School, pre-bcp days. All I want to do is curl up and not move - I can barely walk at the moment.

The IUI went great, however. No collection troubles and my cervix cooperated beautifully. Took about 2 minutes all in all. May I say, however, that I HATE speculums? They must have been created by a man...or a masochistic woman. You'd think they'd find a way to make those more comfortable!

Beta is scheduled for Friday September 1 at 8:45AM. I am going to have to reschedule due to a class conflict that I wasn't even thinking about at the time...but it will still be on Friday. The timing is perfect - we're supposed to be going to my parents house the next day. If it's a positive beta we'll be able to take their presents down and give them to my parents personally. I'll try to take photos, but I make no guarantees.

This is my update for now. DH is cooking dinner, I'm going to go lay down and cry. Thanks for checking in on me!

We have a WINNAH!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I went in for my u/s this morning, to see how many follies I was growing if any. I have to confess a bit of fear - yesterday I took 2 opk's and the second one was lighter than the first and I was afraid I'd missed my surge.

Turns out I was wrong! :) I had 8 follies on each ovary. On the right the biggest three were 14mm, 13mm, and 11mm. On the left ovary, however, there is a 22mm, 13.5mm, and 11.5mm! You read right... 22mm follie. That's my kid in there! And I suppose it's possible that the right side 14mm could develop into a mature follie - only another 4mm to go, but I don't know how fast they develop.

After the u/s the nurse lady triggered me. I didn't feel the shot itself...but a few minutes later it started to burn/itch. And I have a small welt there - at least it's on a stretch mark already! I also went and picked up my progesterone - ick. Last time I used this I was allergic to the media used, but I got it from a compounding place this time. :)

Please pray for us tomorrow morning. We are scheduled at 9:15 for the IUI itself, but we have to be there by 8:00 for collection and prep. I'm a little worried about the pressure on DH...and that my cervix won't cooperate.

The b/w is back finally

The nurse called yesterday but I wasn't available because I was working. I called them this morning to get the full results.

E2: 3.6 (good to be low that early otherwise the rest of the results would be faulty)
thyroid: 1.8
FSH: 6.2 (yay for good ovarian reserves!!! More eggies in there still!)
LH: 2.7 (because this is lower than the FSH it does NOT indicate PCOS...woo!)
Prolactin: 6.8 (I am super excited about this one - last year it was close to 30, which is WAY too high. It came down on it's own, no meds!)

Here is a chart that gives a breakdown of the levels and what they mean, if you want to see it for yourself. I am just totally stoked - we're both in the normal ranges!!!!

Cycle update

AF showed on 8/8...which made my cycle 24 days. I went in for b/w on 8/9...they run it today and I should have the results by tomorrow.

Dh went in for his SA on Thursday. Last year his count was 65million, with 51% alive and 5% the right shape. This time? 63 million, 53% alive and 13% the right shape. :) That's right, ladies and gents...the pills appear to have worked. The overall number of good boys vs bad boys is in our favor.

Let's see...I took my last dose of Clomid last night. And oh boy - was the last day ever fun. Yesterday I had to take MIL to the doc. On the way home she decided AFTER I'd already passed the easiest turn to ask me to take her to get lunch. I was sitting AT THE INTERSECTION that I should have turned at, PAST the one that would have been the easiest, when she asked me. So I had to go up to the next major street and then double back...and she didn't even offer me a single sandwich (and she got 5 of them!!!!! for herself!!!!!) To top THAT off, I then went to go make myself a sandwich because I'm starving and haven't been able to eat real food since my dental appt last week. I look around...where's my bread? I set my bread apart from everyone else's so it wouldn't get eaten. It's nowhere to be found - so I ask MIL if she moved it. Moved it? Nope. Eaten it ALL? yup. SHE ATE ALL MY BREAD! Now I canna have a sammitch and I'm all sad and teary...over a sammitch. Clomid strikes again!

I swear being pg will be the end of me if Clomid is any indication. And today I found out about the s/e's of the trigger shot - oh, fun times shall be had. I'm going to be a basketcase for the first week of school - hcg + stress of school = basketcase! :) Ah well...it will all be worth it, and it's all preparation for the real deal.

So...that's my update for now. I am scheduled to start opk's on Thursday, u/s on Friday...and hopefully IUI on Saturday. Please pray that I have two mature follies on Friday when I go in - I don't want to have to do multiple u/s's.

It figures...

the one cycle where I want AF to show up early so I can get this show on the road - she's taking her sweet time. Yesterday would have been perfect for her to show up - today would be good too. The earlier she arrives the sooner I get my IUI done! I'd love to have it done BEFORE I start school, which is in exactly 2 weeks from today.

I took my scripts over to the pharmacy this morning to drop them off. I was only expecting Clomid but I also got one for the trigger shot and one for progesterone. This RE isn't taking any chances - yay for aggressive docs!!! She's out to get me ku'd and by golly she's going to do it! :)

So now we wait...hope, pray, and wait.

And the RE says.....

We start this cycle! WAHOO! I am supposed to call on CD1 (which will be sometime between Sunday and Wednesday). The nurses will send me a script for Clomid, which I will take CDs 3-7. On CD12 I go in for an ultrasound and if I have at least 2 mature follies then they will trigger me and I do IUI the next day. If I don't have at least 2 follies they will wait - as far as I know from the girls on ITSG. Aaron is also going to call on my CD1 and get his SA scheduled so they know what to expect - no last minute surprises!

YAY! I could be KU'd by the end of the month...after a 2 1/2 year journey. I can't wait!

In other news, went to the dentist yesterday. I am, as usual, a complete mystery. I had a root canal done about 5 years ago on the tooth that's hurting. Because of the root canal I shouldn't be able to feel any pain in that tooth - but I do and it hurts like hell! Apparently the filling is breaking. I go in next Thursday (unless they have an opening earlier) to get a temporary crown put on. Two weeks later I go in for the permanent.

Wait a minute - two weeks from next thursday...and that runs RIGHT INTO MY IUI! ACK!! I just love the way my life runs - I want a kid, I finally have the guts to do it and now my teeth need work. I'm going to talk to the RE on CD1, see what she says about doing dental work at 3dpiui. AND I'm going to be in school - this is seriously not going to be fun. Nomi says the first two weeks aren't that important but I do NOT want to miss a day...for any reason other than labor and not even that if I can avoid it!

At any rate, that's my update. Whadddya know...I managed two in two days!

More updating

Good heavens life gets busy! There is more to update than I'm going to have time for today, but at least it's a start.

Hello to my newest readers from The Marriage Bed. I appreciate you stumbling across me and I hope my language doesn't offend you too terribly. I tell it like it is - and when I rant, I rant!

Now what you've all been waiting for (NO it's not a bfp for me)...UPDATES! WOO!

We were offered the chance last week to start adoption proceedings for a little boy. One of Aaron's coworkers is about 5 months pregnant or so (due Christmas Eve). She was thinking she would have to give her son up for adoption once he was born and she offered us the chance. We talked about it - for several days - before deciding that we shouldn't do it. There are too many "what if's" involved, and we really want to try IUI at least once before we adopt.

Speaking of IUI, my RE should be calling me any minute for a phone consult. We're going to get a game plan in place so that when it's time we can just do this thing. (I was supposed to go meet with her but I have an emergency trip to the dentist in about 45 minutes so that's right out) Aaron and I might step up the timeframe for the IUI but we aren't sure yet. Timing is everything, I suppose.

I know it seems awfully selfish of me after all this time to try and plan my kiddo. One would think I would know that you just can't plan these things. But I don't really see a reason why the first IUI shouldn't work - Dh has plenty of boys, they just need a little help to get to the final destination. This is, of course, assuming that all my hormones are where they should be still. I'll find out next week, since AF is due sometime between Sundy and Thursday. (gee....it's just like being a teen again and always being taken by surprise...) I don't want to miss finals if I don't have to, and I want to take as little time off school as possible. I'm worried about taking more than 6 months off because of loans, and then there's the whole "forgetting everything I ever knew" part. I'd love to have a kid in april, but that means already being pg...and I doubt I am. Part of me hopes...but the other part is terribly realistic.

And on yet another front: Some friends and I have joined Spark People to try and lose some weight. The place is pretty cool - not nearly as obsessive and contolling as most "diets" or plans like WW. You put in your weight and your target weight/time. It figures out how many calories you need to be eating a day, and how much of that should be fat/carbs/protein. I discovered that I was only eating about half of what I needed to! No wonder I wasn't losing anything - my body was fighting to stay alive! I don't use their meal planner - I just eat my regular foods and put it in there. That helps me see what I'm eating! Anyhow...if you join, let them know that Tigger sent you!

That's all for today, folks. I have to get ready to go pick up a friend so she can drive me home from the stupid dentist. And I'm really hoping the RE is going to call soon - I'm not going to be able to answer the phone with 4 pairs of hands, 6 instruments, and 25 utensils in my mouth at the doc's office....