It's DH's fault this time!

Af arrived this morning and I blame my poor husband entirely! I knew I was later than normal, by a few days. I was getting ready to test tomorrow. We decided to FD last night, but I was worried he'd "poke a hole" in whatever was keeping the evil hag at bay. He threw logic at me (well, if you aren't pg she's going to show anyways...) but said I could hit him if she showed.

I got to hit him. I woke up feeling crampy, ran to the potty...and there she was. DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT I have a hard time shaking the idea that if we hadn't fd'd she wouldn't have shown, that it knocked something loose. I know that it doesn't work that way, that having sex doesn't knock the bean loose, but it doesn't help sometimes. Logic is not always enough to overrule the emotional brain.

So on to C3whatever...I'm seriously losing count. I wish my cycles would straighten out and be regular again - they were, before I went on progesterone for a month. I looked at my last 7 cycles. Including this one (and going backwards) they were 25, 23, 23, 24, 23, 25, 26. Before I took that progesterone they were ALWAYS 25-26 days. I took if for a month - and they went to 23 days on average. With a 23 days cycle...my LP averages 11-12 days. BARELY long enough! I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if taking anything would help. I think I might not care.

A little creeped out!

One of Aaron's coworkers was due to have her baby on the 21st of this month. On the 8th I dreamt that she was going to go home on a Thursday, have an 8 pound 8 oz little girl over the weekend and Aaron would find out about it on a Monday. (She was refusing to find out the gender, which irked me to no end).

On the 18th, there was an Email saying that Amy wasn't going to be coming in to work. She was having contractions. Not enough to put her in L & D, but enough that she wasn't coming in to work as her doc thought she'd have the baby that night. Friday she didn't come in and her contractions were 10 minutes apart. She had the baby on Saturday and Aaron found out on Monday. According to the Email that he forwarded to me, Amy had an 8 pound 8 oz little girl!

Now if that's not a little weird... I dreamt of a birth correctly, and for someone I don't really know all that well! I'm going to have to start remembering my baby dreams - maybe I'll have more for my other pg friends!

Why don't people understand? (triggery)

I have spent the past two days arguing with someone as to why the question "Do you have kids yet?" bothers me. I spend my days at work fending off this question from complete strangers. The guy I've been arguing with said I shouldn't get offended at this, and that my response of "No, unfortunately, we've been trying for two years" is uncalled for because it's rude.

Rude? I'M RUDE? These people are complete strangers to me. They ask me if I'm married , and then automatically assume that I should have children. When I used to just say "No we don't" I got more questions - and personally I don't believe it's any of their damned business why I don't. I mean, if they REALLY want to hear about all the testing we've been through, the heartbreak every month when AF shows up, the fear that I will never ever be able to have children and be a failure...I can tell them. But they don't - they're asking because it's small talk. And I understand that. But I also think I have the right to be upset about it...not at them, I never let them know, but at the world for doing this. And it's more their reactions that upset me - I can only handle being told to relax, I'm trying too hard, it'll happen so many times. And the pity in their eyes - I don't need their pity. If they're going to pity me I'd rather have money so I can go do IUI.

I did some research for this guy. He says infertility affects a tiny percentage of people. In my state alone there will be an average of 139,326 who suffer from infertility during their lifetime. 139,326! I knew it was a problem - but just think of that number. That's almost my entire city! What a way to put it in perspective. To REALLY put it in perspective: 29,365,540 people in the United State will suffer from it at some point in their lives. If there were that many people getting cancer in their lifetime you know something would be being done about it. And yet insurance won't cover us.

I compared the two. There will be an estimated 1,399,790 new cancer cases this year. It would take 21 years at that rate to match infertility - and yet we aren't covered. How the hell does this work again?

Alright...I'm totally upsetting myself. I'm going to go for now, try to calm down.

I think I'm out already!

I just realized that today is CD8, and I'm headed out of town for a few days. The night I get back will be CD10 and I'm going to be exhausted. I have a drive back that day...and then I get to go to work for 6 hours. Blergh!

We usually start the bdfest around CD7 and go EOD until CD13. (If you want to know what these abbreviations stand for I believe I have a link to a Primer on the right - there's a list there at the top) Not so this month - I'm going to miss out! Not sure why this matters to me, since it's not going to happen anyhow, but I don't seem to be able to convince myself to just give it up already.

And here we go again....

woke up this morning with my favorite visitor. That's right...AF arrived for cycle 33! And this time she snuck up on me because I wasn't paying attention to my chart. I guess now I know why I was so very grouchy yesterday...bah!

This is getting so old. I ought to just quit counting...it's not like it matters anyhow. I'm probably never going back to the RE, I haven't temped in 6 months (ever since we got the results of DH's SA test), I take opk's every few months just to make sure I know what's going on with me. But it really just doesn't matter anymore...it's not going to happen and I should just get used to it.

Somehow, though, I can't give up. Maybe it's because I've been doing this for 26 months. Maybe it's just become such habit that I can't...the behavior is ingrained. I'll probably be counting my cycles until I'm 50! Why can't I just let it go? Why do I put myself through this every month, knowing it's not doing to do any good?

Yet another dream...

I had another one of those vivid baby dreams Friday night. This time it went all the way through labor. GAH! I woke up exhausted.

I've decided to start taking opk's again this month, just so I can see what's going on with my cycle. I think I'm ovulating too early...but I don't know what to do to fix it. Time to do more research! Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know...along comes something new to keep me on my toes!

I hope everyone has a very Happy Easter!

On to C32....

I really ought to quit counting. This is just getting utterly ridiculous! I knew it would take a while - but 32 cycles and 26 months is a little more than I ever thought in my wildest melodramatic moments.

AF (Aunt Flo) showed up Friday. To add insult to injury, she was 2 days earlier than I expected. I think I'm going to do opk's this month - I haven't done them in about 6 months or so, but perhaps I should just so I can double check on me. Make sure I'm still ovulating when I think I am. I have been thinking about temping again the past few months - but that means finding a time to get up every single day, and I've rather enjoyed being able to sleep!

Going to try bding EOD this month. Since I have the lowest sex drive of anyone I've ever heard of I'm not sure how I'm going to manage this...but I gotta try. We'll see if that in combination with EOD works. Keep your fingers crossed!

The experiment so far

Well...it looks like if we ever manage to get pregnant we're having a boy. We were hoping for a girl first as we both really want one and have the feeling we're only going to have one child...unless we get lucky a second time. On the upside, it's good for a girl to have an older brother. DH is one, I have one (but we won't count him) and a few of my other friends are older brothers. They DO come in handy from time to time. :)

From Jenny Renny

It took several tries, but I finally got a response from her.

Question: I am 28 years old and have been married 2 1/2 years. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now with no luck. I am seriously getting discouraged. I was wondering if you could tell me when we might get pregnant - and if we are going to get pregnant, what gender we will have?
Answer:I do see a boy born in the Spring but I also see some meetings with a doctor before this happens. Im not getting the feeling that it is invasive treatment to get pregnant but maybe it's time to see a Naturapathic doctor in your area.

If you decide to try her out, just be patient. It took about a week before I got a response to my second request - and I never did get a response from the first time. I think it just got lost. :)

Jenny's Site

Vivid Dreams....

Wish I knew what they meant.

I had a really vivid baby dream last night. I dreamt that we had triplets. the first child was born at 10:11 pm and her name was Helen Elizabeth. The second was born at 10:31 and her name was Catherine Brianna. And a day later I had a boy, and his name was Aiden Donovan.

Now...I've had dreams of twins and quads. But never ever have I dreamt of the times and names before! And it was just so vivid...I was smiling when I woke up! GAH! :)

From Mimosa

Having gotten a response from Cheri, I decided to try out a few others, see how they all matched. This one is from All Experts

I asked this question of "AskMimosa" on 3/31/2005.

Question: My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I would like to know when this is going to happen and what gender we will have. Thank you!

This is the response I received

Answer: Hi Tigger,
I see children in your life so you are definitely going to have the family you both long for. However I am sorry that I can't give you any timeframe this time. But be sure that there will be wonderful children, probably two, in your life.
Blessings,
Askmimosa

From Cheri @ angelfire

This conversation took place over several days. I will start with my original question, and post all others in the order they were received. The address for this particular woman is Cheri's WebMD Page

On 3/24/06, Tigger wrote:

Several of the girls on the WebMd boards have recommended that I send you an email, to see what you would predict for me. I have been TTC for a while now. :)

My screenname is Tigger062077, and I go by Tigger most of the time. Thanks!
************************************************************************************
On 3/27/06, Cheri wrote:

Hi Tigger

Sorry for the delay,Its actually taking me a bit longer to get to the emails (over 200 now) and with the weekend just here, dont have computer time till I come to work really:)

its definetly been a long journey for you!! I do see a son in your future, but would tell you that you might have to try IVF... Have you also looked into adopting and surrogacy?? I figure its one of those two options that you have your daughter.

Cheri
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On 3/27/06, Tigger wrote:

It's funny - you said almost the same thing the docs have said. (they said IUI...but they are terribly similar procedures) :)

So...my next question (and I don't know if you/they can answer it) is: If I go the route of IUI/IVF, how many rounds will it take to succeed?

(and will you add my prediction to the website? At least I could update you on the gender...)

thanks!
*************************************************************************************
On 3/27/2006, Cheri wrote:

Hi

Would tell you I think One will do the trick.. I dont see you needing more than two. Not sure if they are saying that because for two kids, you need one for each kid?

I'll update the site with your info in a bit:)

Thanks!
Cheri

The reason for this blog

I am 28 years old and have been married for 2 1/2 years. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 of those years. It is not going well.

I am a member of several TTC (trying to conceive) board on WebMD. One of the girls, who is also a member of Fertility Friend, stumbled across a psychic who does pregnancy/conception predictions.

For kicks and giggles, I sent her an Email requesting a prediction. What she told me matches what the docs have said. In the past month several of her predictions have come true for our girls. My husband also sent her an email, from a bogus Email so she couldn't match us up, and her response to him matched mine. I've decided she knows what she's talking about, at least to some degree.

So...on a whim, I've decided to see what other psychics have to say. I want to see if they match her. :) This blog is a record of the predictions I have received and who they are from. I want to be able to remember them, and this is the most surefire way I have. I hope you enjoy reading!