One of the friends I mentioned in the prior post got her bfp this morning! WOO! The rest are next, I swear it! :)
My mother in law thinks I'm funny because I'm so happy for others who are getting what we've tried so hard for. What she doesn't understand is this: These women are like my sisters. They're my best friends. No one understand what I go through on a monthly basis like these girls. We've shared everything...things you wouldn't tell your mother, let along some person you've never even met....but we understand each other perfectly. We've shared heartache, and joy, and tears...some have moved on to other boards, some haven't, some have given up and some haven't, but we're all still together in this. One of these girls getting pregnant is almost as good as getting preggers myself.
I know, without a doubt, that these women will be jumping for joy and shouting from the rooftops when I get by own bfp...even as I am doing the same for them. I have to resist the urge to post in letters all over the net "JO GOT A BFP!SHE's PREGNANT!!!" and to take out an ad in my local paper to the same effect. I want to scream it to the world! Instead I will sit here and tell all of you, and hopefully you'll share in her joy too.
So to the BFP Fairy I now say this: Thank you. Thank you so much for going to Jo's place and giving her this much deserved gift. I hope you find it in your wand to bless the rest of my friends (Wendy, Cheryl, Shayna, Kim...in case you forgot) with theirs. You have your work cut out for you, but I have faith. You've shown me you are listening with Jo...keep up the good work!
To those reading: Thanks for sticking with me! I love seeing all the people who've visited me - some of you are new, some just stumbled in, some are repeat visitors. Thanks to all of you - I'm glad you stopped by!
19 hours ago
2 comments:
Hello there stranger!
I know we arent super close, but you've always been such a source of great admiration...
I remember how badly it hurt me over the course of about 2 1/2 years for us to get pregnant with K. I remember the complete and utter heartbreak everytime you realized, hey, we did all that this cycle and it STILL doesnt matter. I remember the clomid, which was the worst experience ive ever had and would probably never do againf or a million bucks. It was a joke. I remember having very close friends who got pregnant easily and I would just shut them out, baby showers, lunch dates shopping adventures, never again after they told me their "good" news. Im not saying this is you, or I know exactly how you are feeling everyday, you seem much stronger than I EVER was during that very long period of time in my life. THAT is why I admire you. I let EVERYONE know i was bitter and pissed. Towards the end, maybe it was ME keeping me from getting pregnant I was such a total bitch. Even my own husband was like "cant you just be happy for them?" when one of our couple friends got preganant. One particular couple though decided to call us on Christmas Eve. I felt no sadder than I did that night on the whole TTC journey. I feel Holidays are the worst, really.
I dont know why im writing all this. Im sure youve been here done that with everything Ive said. I just really, and I mean really want you to know, I do know.
As for one of the other blogs you wrote about you and Aaron having off sex drives. Oh yes, I know ALLLLL about that. Eddie is always up for it. I really think he coulld go twice or more a day every day. Me, lucky if its once a week. Prior to my surgery I had in November it actually physically hurt and I got up enough nerve to say something to my Dr about it. Lucky for me there was a real reason, obviously I dont wnat to do anything that hurts so thats the reason for our "lack" of. But now that that was corrected (temporarily, after this ones born, itll have to be fixed again) I find myself still falling into the only, maybe, if hes lucky, once a week routine. It is hard, because most days I dont feel like im a great wife, that Im not fulfilling his wants and needs. Right now, Im chalking it up to the pregnancy and what that can do to my body, but after if its still like this, chances are, Ill be right back in the Dr's office. It might be something hormonal, theres got to be something they can do for that right?
Anyhoo, I wanted to write you, and let you know my feelings on both fronts..I always read, and always lurk for you...always and forver hoping and praying.
I think youve got more prayers coming from more places than you think....you're an awesome, kick ass girl Jenn, and one day, I truly believe youll be the most attentive and loving mom I could possibly know.
Lindsay
Thank Linds! I appreciate it! I'm absolutely astonished whenever someone comments on how strong they think I am, or how supportive - most days I feel like bitch. :) I try not to let my bitter show...it's there, just not for my friends. When I see women who have struggled like I have get their much deserved BFP's...well, only getting my own could make me as happy (and I'm not even sure about that!). It's the newbies that get me, them and their whining. Someone accused me of being a bitter jaded bitch last week...they weren't far off.
See how it goes after the pg. My best friend was a bunny before the pg, now not so much and it's been a year. Your focus just changes, and hormones, and whatnot. I hear ya on the whole "not feeling like a great wife", but my husband just tells me every day how great I am and this is something we'll work through. I got very very lucky this time. Perhaps...try my approach? I know it's gotta be harder with kids, but maybe it will work for you. Figure out what DOES turn you on...and find a way to do it. Even if it's in the bedroom with a laptop, or it means sending K over to a friend's house. Go on date nights. :) I wish I could help...but I'm still finding my way. I've had to learn to be pretty vocal with Aaron about what I do and don't like, and the poor man will bend over backwards to make me happy so he can get some lovin'!
Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. I appreciate it. And I love hearing from people. It's good to see people still read and care.
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