Tig's Photobucket

Photobucket Album

Mostly safe....

Mingle² - Online Dating

Apparently it's not as bad as I thought! Thanks to Watson for the link to Rate My Blog

I also said that I would share my photobucket account with you so you could see the clothes we bought for my birthday. This scares the beejeebies out of me because the clothes (and I) don't look nearly the way we do in life. :( But I did promise, so here you go! Take pity, please!! Also...there are a lot of random photos in there. Some are of my kitties, some of a friend's 2 year old, some that are just sig's and avatars for a forum I'm on. :) This is my "hey I need to post a photo and need a place to host it" spot.

huh...

I made yesterdays post before coming back home, which means I hadn't read any of the blogs that I keep up with. As a matter of fact, I hadn't read any blog entries since Friday! (I know, I'm bad) At any rate, the first blog I read yesterday when I got home was Wendy's. Imagine my surprise to read this post. There must be something going around! :)

Saturday Aaron took me clothes shopping all day for my birthday. Mom contributed. Tonight he's going to take pictures of me in them and once I get them uploaded I will post a link to my photobucket so you can go see them. Last night he gave me a pony...4 of them, to be exact. :) (We'd had this discussion about me asking him to do things after we have sex, and how he'll agree to anything at that point. I asked for a pony, just being a smart ass. He got me a pony!) This morning he brought me in a penguin, since I'm collecting them now. What a guy! I also have $45 in Barnes & Noble gift certs to spend from family and friends. BOOKS!!!

I'll update this post later if I have anything to add. Right now I have to go get dressed and go to physical therapy. Yay me.

Turning 30

Today is my last day as a 20-something. Tomorrow I become a 30-something. In the past few weeks I've decided that 30 must be a time for self-reflection, at least for some, and a time for change. I've been meaning to post the reflections here, but I'm not sure anyone reads me since I post so sporadically, so I forgot to carve some time to blog. If I remember them again, I might post them.

1) I really don't have much to complain about. I DO complain, a lot, but really I don't have a reason to. So I can't have kids of my own. I have a niece and soon a nephew that I can play with and take care of any time I so choose. I own a house and two cars. I have a wonderful husband who loves me more than I could imagine. I have a steady job with a boss who is willing to rearrange my schedule to fit whatever I have to do - and that includes school. I'm going back to school to get a degree in a field I'm going to love. My life, while not perfect, is pretty damn good. I think it's all finally coming together.

My body is falling apart, however. That's my major complaint these days. I'm so tired of hurting all the time. I will never be pain free again. I know this and it depresses me greatly. I will settle for being in less pain, less enough that I can live my life again without worrying about the pain cost. At times I think that's too much to hope for, though. I know, I KNOW, that I couldn't handle a pregnancy at this time...if ever. The toll it would take on my spine would probably leave me paralyzed at worst...bed rest for 9 months at best. The more I learn about what's wrong with me, the more I realize that I may never be "fixed". Part of me thinks I should just suck it up and deal with it...the rest of me says "You weren't always like this...it will take a lot of time and money, but they'll get you better."

In a little less than a month, Aarons nephew and his pregnant fiancee are coming to live with us. We're having new carpet put into my den and they will be taking that room. I'm really hoping that Aarons sister is going to move out soon, so I can use THAT room as my den. I don't know what I'm going to do with all that stuff if she doesn't. There's two computer desks (one for the PC, one for the laptop/books), a hope chest, two file-style cabinets and a faux steamer trunk. Not to mention all the stuff in the closet!!

2) I think I'm okay with never having kids. Over the past several months I've really watched Fred & Wilma with their daughter. I've watched how they argue and snipe over who is going to watch her this Sunday. Fred wants Wilma to watch her while the boys are over to game; Wilma wants Fred to watch her because I'm also over and we're trying to get caught up on Gilmore Girls Season One. It isn't just Sundays either; it's every time one has something they want to do. They also have to get a babysitter any time they want to do anything. I know all the good stuff...but I've also realized how hassle-free my life is. I don't want to argue with Aaron over who is going to watch our kid. If we want to go out on a whim, I want to go. If we want to spend money, I don't want to have to worry about how that will affect our child. I can only imagine how bad things are going to get when their son is born. I'm happy being kid-free these days. Perhaps karma knew what it was doing all along. This is NOT to say that I think those who want them and can't have them have pissed karma off at all - please, no one take it that way. I simply choose to believe that in my case, maybe it's a good thing.

Ok...time for me to sign off for now. I'm at my parents house. I surprised my dad for Father's Day, and wanted to come visit my mom. I now have to go do a few errands for mom, go see her for a few hours, and then head home again. I have p/t in the morning (Yay for pain & torture on my birthday!) so I have to head home. I hope all of you are having a wonderful week.

Jo's Birth Story and other updates (lots of trigs)

I realized the other day that I never got around to posting Jo's birth story. Thanks to all of you who prayed for her, or kept her in your thoughts. Things worked out...barely. :) I've included her story below, with her permission as she sent it to me:

"Jonas Quentin (Naz) was born last Tuesday, May 8th, a little ahead of schedule. Travis barely made it home from the far North.

He has jaundice, and we were just sent home yesterday from the hospital, so things have been chaotic since then."

"So I went into my appointment last Monday and they discovered I was already in labor. I couldn't feel contractions, but hey, the fetal monitor doesn't lie. So my doctor says that I have to check into the hospital by 11 pm - she gave me an hour to get Travis at the airport that night, and his luggage, and then straight to the hospital we went. I had to go on the monitor because of the preeclampsia, so they hook me up. I'm 3 1/2 centimeters at that point.

I hit 7 centimeters about 8 hours later. And then I start throwing up, and having the most incredible pain in my back. I try to tell them at that point that I think I'm having back labor, and that the baby must be face up. They admit it is a possibility, but think that I will deliver soon, so we keep going. They had to give me something for the nausea, and it makes me seriously loopy. Horrible taste, too, like rancid garlic.

Two hours later, I'm nearly 10 centimeters and they tell me I can start pushing. I had been wanting to push since 8 centimeters, and having to blow through it. Nobody told me that you would feel like pushing before you could.

Jonas was face up, and it took me two hours of pushing to get him out. BUT I am my own hero - I did it without cussing at anyone, and didn't get the epidural. So it's possible to do it. :) I did have a minor second degree tear, but it didn't bother me. I didn't even notice when it happened, because I had a baby on my chest. :-)

The bad thing was is that all that pushing caused his scalp to bruise, and that led to jaundice, and five days in the hospital. The lactation consultant I saw was a bully. She had me in tears my last day because he had lost some weight (his pediatrician wasn't worried, but the LC told me that she wouldn't let me go home, which I was desperate to do, unless I could prove I was feeding him! As if I would starve my baby!). So I had a nurse sort of supervise a feeding - I buzzed and she showed up in time to see him detach anyway.

Our first doctor appointment together was yesterday, and he had gained an ounce, so evidentally the old bitch doesn't know what she's talking about. Hag. (Not that I'm bitter - the ped let me go home that day anyway!)

So that's the story, in all it's gruesome details."

In other news, I am not sure if I've mentioned Esme before. She's one of my friends from my early days on JSO. She had a HELL of a time getting pregnant - several m/c's, bedrest, ovarian drilling...the works. She had her daughter...a little over a year ago I think. Then again, I'm horrible with time so for all I know it's been two years! :) Today I went to her myspace and found out that she has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. She's at a stage 1B1, meaning that it's still early. It hasn't spread yet - they did all sorts of tests on her - and they are going to be treating it very aggressively. She's only 26!!! Her insurance company is stupid - they won't pay for her to have a hysterectomy because it's not "medically necessary". WTH? Because it hasn't spread and she's not 30, they won't let her remove it and avoid the chance of getting ovarian cancer. Insurance companies are stupid!!! She's having the tumor removed today and she starts radiation tomorrow, combined with Chemo 1xwk. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. So far she seems to have a wonderful kick-ass attitude...and my mom says that's really important in getting through it.

What else...oh yeah. Now I'm terrified. I have my annual next week along with my mammogram. I turn 30 in a few weeks and while I had baseline done 3 years ago, it's time for me to have another. I have cysts in my breasts so I have to stay on top of the mammies...it's the only way to discover if they turn cancerous. My breasts have been a lot sorer than usual lately, despite the fact that I wasn't drinking any caffeine for about a week due to being sick. This worries me...

Aaron starts class today. He's taking an English class over the summer to work on his pass/fail rate and get his GPA up so he qualifies for financial aid. It's going to take a while, especially at once class at a time, but it's all we can do. i'm wishing I was going back to school as my life is a lot less hectic when I'm in school - that sounds bad! Summer is just the only time the boss has to take vacations, and I have time to get all my docs caught up on. So..spinal injection, physical therapy, 3 root canals, my annual, the mammogram...and that's just what I have scheduled already. Most of our friends have birthdays over the summer too, as well as mine, so it's super busy. And hot - I think I'm going to die of heatstroke. Today it is 91* and it's only 2:30..and overcast. Stupid muggy.

Ok, I think I'm done rambling. One last thing - friend Elena (who is my birthday buddy) is due (after 3 eyars of trying) on the 6th. Thoughts her way, please!!!

BUTTPRINTS IN THE SAND

(I received this in an email almost 10 years ago. I've kept it because I love it. After reading through the blogs of some friends recently, it seems some of us could use this reminder. So...without further ado, I give you something that keeps me going from time to time.)

One night I had a wonderous dream.
One set of footprints there was seen.
The footprints of my precious Lord
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"for miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know.
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life there comes a time,
When one must fight and one must climb
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave one's butt prints in the sand."

(Feel free to take this and reprint it for your own use. I have no idea who wrote it, so I can't give them credit.)