We have a PLAN!

An honest to god plan that involves coming home with this child on the outside!

Tomorrow evening, 6:00 PM, I am to report to L&D for induction. They are going to start me on the Cytotek and see what happens. If I progress by morning, they will move me on to the Pit to try and keep it going. If I stall out on the Pit, they will do a C-section. If I don't progress by morning, they will go straight to a C-section. Doc promised me that I would not leave the hospital without a live baby in my arms. It was all I could do not to laugh at him - one should never promise that anyone will have a live baby!

I've been talking about that a lot with Jess of late. I'm absolutely paranoid, because they're taking so long to get this child born, that he's going to die before I get to see him. Last night was the worst - I was so upset after the doctor not giving me a plan, and depressed because I didn't know how much longer I had to go, and paranoid that Colson is going to die in utero or be stillborn, that I was on the verge of doing rash things around the house. Like...pack up the whole damn nursery because who in the hell cares if I have it when he's going to be dead anyways and I'd rather not deal with it when I get back from the hospital. Yeah, rash. I knew I was being overly paranoid, though, so I just sat and cried instead. And talked to Aaron. And Jess, who thankfully understood what I was trying to convey. I'd be so lost without her right now!

So for now, the plan for tomorrow consists of resting and eating as much as possible - doc says "I want you well rested and fed when you get here!" - and then taking the dog back out to my in-laws for them to watch her. Hopefully my MIL won't show up at the hospital until sometime on Monday - last time she was there ALL DAY on Sunday and Monday until we left to go home. I can't handle it. Even when she's just sitting and reading, having someone besides Aaron in the room for a long time like that is draining on me. My dad is planning on coming up Monday when he gets off work and staying until Wednesday - is it bad that I'm hoping I have to have a C because it means they'll keep me in the hospital longer? *bad daughter* I will update with the birth story once I have it and can see straight again. For those who read who have me as a friend on FB, you'll see the basic update there first, as Aaron has access to that. Might have him post here too, if he's not also exhausted.

Thank you for all the prayers and well-wishes that you've sent so far. I think it's one of the few things that has kept me "sane" over the past month.