An actual trial run...

Thursday night I ended up having Aaron take me to the L&D at a little after midnight. I've been having contractions all evening, and they were about 7 minutes or so apart by my calculations. We both figured they were going to send me home, but I wanted to know what was going on. See, I am still not sure what is and isn't a contraction - whether it's him moving particularly violently, my cervix just being an irritable bitch, me being sensitive, or a real contraction. I'm a rather visual person, so being able to see them on the screen and associate that with what I feel helps a lot. Not to mention that Smallfry's HB speeds up whenever a contraction hits and goes back down when it's gone, which is another good clue.

We got there at about 12:15am, got them to unlock the doors so we could go in, and I staggered my way down the hall to the L&D ward. They got me all hooked up, and proceeded to ask me about a million questions. I had somehow assumed this would be like my first trip, where they hooked me up and left me mostly alone, or my NSTs, where they hook me up and completely leave me alone until they're ready to take me off. This time the nurse didn't leave the room at all - it was sorta annoying. I was feeling particularly guilty about making Aaron lose sleep, and I wanted him to sleep in the room while they were monitoring me, and he couldn't DO that with her yammering. At any rate, my contractions were 4 minutes apart...but they weren't very strong according to the machine. Considering that some of the smaller ones hurt more than the bigger ones, I don't have a clue...but apparently I have quantity and need to work on quality. :)

She did a cervical check - I am (or was then) dilated to 2 but still only about 50% effaced. There's pros and cons to having a check done by someone with smaller fingers: It didn't hurt as bad, but she couldn't reach my cervix very well and I'm convinced she was in there up to her shoulder! It also made me realize that dilation is entirely relative to the size of the hands of the person doing it. For example, my doctor has bigger hands than the nurse. He tells me that 2cm dilated is his first two fingers side by side. Monday I was "not quite 2cm" according to him - his fingers were still slightly crossed. Now, ffwd to Thursday where I have a nurse with smaller hands. If 2cm is 2 fingers side by side, then of course I would be a 2 to her and a "not quite 2" to my doc. If this truly is the case, I think I will stick with my assessment of a 10: When you can shine a flashlight up there and see the light come out of my mouth. (Yes, I actually said that to my doctor - he laughed really hard at me.)

The past few days have been...painful. Lots and lots of contractions, but no pattern. They're getting more intense most of the time, and I was almost in tears last night. Still have my plug, still no show, still haven't had my water break. The skin on my stomach is hellaciously sensitive - almost like when you have the flu and your whole skin is painful, but it's just my abdomen. I'm ok as long as I wear something that doesn't rub, and as long as no one rubs my belly. Touch carefully, fine - rub, and I might bite you. I'm getting bitchier by the day because I'm miserable. I never thought I would get to this point, be that pregnant person. I haven't done anything ELSE normally, why would I do this part?

I am due 2 weeks from today. I am resigning myself to the fact that my doctor is not going to be delivering my baby. I don't want to do this for another 2 weeks - did I mention miserable? And pain? Back, legs, abdomen all hurt. I'm tired of contracting and just want this kid OUT. No, I am not going to get my membranes stripped nor will I be induced. Doc prefers not to do either, and I know he won't induce until 39 weeks...at which point he will still be gone, so it's moot anyways. No, I am not going to follow the old wives' tales and have lots of sex and go for long walks - if an amniotic fluid check with a swab feels like someone is shoving a splinter of a 2x4 up my hooha, I don't think a penis is going to be any better. My first cervical check hurt so bad that my face turned white from pain, according to Aaron...again, I don't think a penis is going to be any better than a couple fingers. Long walks? HA! I couldn't even take long walks BEFORE I got pregnant, let alone now that I'm so much pain it's all I can do to shuffle from the back room to the bathroom and back. I'm "doomed" to wait this out - I want Smallfry to come out when he's READY, and not before, no matter how much I complain.