Friday, June 18, 2010

Birthdays

Sunday is going to be my 33rd birthday. I don't know what I think about that. This time around I seem to be a true Gemini on the subject, which is rather unusual for me.


Do I celebrate? Do I *want* to celebrate? Do I just want to run away and hide for the day, or should I go out? Cake or no cake? Remind my family and friends or don't? (My mother in law can never remember when it is, even though it's 5 months before her sons, exactly. Last year she didn't even wish me a happy birthday - I am still bitter about that.) Do I even want presents? Should I just tell people that if they want to get me something, send money so I can go get whatever I want?

I don't want to be an attention whore, but on the other hand...it's my birthday. I feel old. My hair is more grey than I had realized - I dyed it black, and it's fading out to my natural color (which was the intent) but because I haven't dyed it, I am truly seeing how much more grey there is than the last time I get it grow. I have honest-to-god streaks of grey. I should say silver, because it sounds better and they *are* shiny and not the dull grey you see in some women, for which I am grateful. We used to call it mithril, but that's because we're geeks. So then we get into the "Should I re-dye my hair? Well, I'd like to, but on the other hand I really need to let it heal. It's taken a beating and while it *is* getting better, it's still rough and dyeing it isn't good for it." Did I mention I feel old? I got a recent dx of arthritis in my spine, along with everything else.

I am having a rough time, mentally. I don't really think it's the age. It doesn't feel like it has anything to do with mom, although I will miss her call. I think it's just the fact that it's my birthday, again. We have no money with which to really celebrate it, husband doesn't get to go out shopping for me (although we did buy a kick-ass blender), and I doubt he'll even have time to get a card, nor will he think about it. My dad's card won't be here until Monday at least, my grandmother said her stuff will be here Monday or Tuesday. We're going to have cake with the boys on Saturday. It looks like my actual birthday is going to be just...another day.

2 comments:

Jess said...

Well have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY no matter. I'm sorry it's not...ringing any "special" bells for you this year and that you're feeling down about your age, but 33 is in no way old! Really.

Hope the actual day turns out better than you think...perhaps just relaxing or something?

justine said...

Feel celebrated. You're not in the least bit old. :)