Sunday, August 26, 2007

Never Happy, Never Satisfied

If you look back through my posts or have known me for a while, you know how often I've bitched because my MIL won't stop smoking. We've made deal after deal after deal with her to get her to smoke outside. She's been promising for several years that she'll quit, but she never seems to manage to. She once quit for 4 years...only to pick back up as soon as we moved in. She did this knowing that I suffer from asthma, knowing that it was affecting our chances to have a child. She smoked outside for a little while during our IUI treatments, but as soon as it didn't work she scooted back in...about the time I started school last year, just like I knew she would. The instant I wasn't home all day to keep an eye on her, she'd be like a willful child.

Now...I know it's not easy to quit. I watched my dad struggle for years to do so and it took him being in the hospital for a week (unrelated) for him to be able to quit. I watched as Wendy stopped smoking and cheered her on with every update. I watched my ex-husband try to quit, succeed, start, quit, start, quit...I don't even know where he is on that cycle anymore. So why am I so hard on MIL? Because she's being her usual whiny self about it. She says "I wasn't going to say anything but I'm down to a pack and two cigarettes left and I'm not buying any more." This was two days ago. Tonight she comes in and says "Remind me why I'm not smoking in the morning?" Well...because you want to quit would be my guess. Don't rely on me to help you quit - this is something you have to do on your own. From the other room, after we gave her a list of reasons, I hear her say "So Giggle's baby will be born healthy".

WTF? What was that again? You don't give a rat's ass about our health, apparently, or our attempts at having a child (despite your complaints to the contrary) but you care about her child? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great, but where was all this concern when we were seriously trying? Why did we have to beg and plead and cajole and bribe JUST TO GET HER OUTSIDE? Forget trying to get her to quit - that just earned her whining to Aaron that I was making her feel like a criminal. It's my fucking house. She keeps reminding me of this. It should be my fucking rules, but I can't change a goddamn thing without her bitching about it. I've tried very hard not to make any rules, but it would be entirely within my right to order her ass outside. I'm just afraid they'd move out.

The other part of my brain, the apparently rational part, says "Why does it matter WHY she's quitting? Isn't it enough that she just is?" Apparently not, for I am very angry at her. I don't want to put up with her whiny, poor me, victim/martyr attitude over this. I am really, really glad that school starts on Monday. In the meantime, I think Foamy the Squirrel expresses it perfectly. (Warning: Language sensitive)

2 comments:

Jess said...

It just sucks, is all. It sucks that she couldn't have done it for YOU. It sucks that YOU are not the one with the baby when a baby was/is so desperately wanted.

:(

The Town Criers said...

It is frustrating when you see someone doing something for someone else that they wouldn't do for you--especially something that affects your health. Came by with a blue angel--hope school is going well this week.