Never Happy, Never Satisfied

If you look back through my posts or have known me for a while, you know how often I've bitched because my MIL won't stop smoking. We've made deal after deal after deal with her to get her to smoke outside. She's been promising for several years that she'll quit, but she never seems to manage to. She once quit for 4 years...only to pick back up as soon as we moved in. She did this knowing that I suffer from asthma, knowing that it was affecting our chances to have a child. She smoked outside for a little while during our IUI treatments, but as soon as it didn't work she scooted back in...about the time I started school last year, just like I knew she would. The instant I wasn't home all day to keep an eye on her, she'd be like a willful child.

Now...I know it's not easy to quit. I watched my dad struggle for years to do so and it took him being in the hospital for a week (unrelated) for him to be able to quit. I watched as Wendy stopped smoking and cheered her on with every update. I watched my ex-husband try to quit, succeed, start, quit, start, quit...I don't even know where he is on that cycle anymore. So why am I so hard on MIL? Because she's being her usual whiny self about it. She says "I wasn't going to say anything but I'm down to a pack and two cigarettes left and I'm not buying any more." This was two days ago. Tonight she comes in and says "Remind me why I'm not smoking in the morning?" Well...because you want to quit would be my guess. Don't rely on me to help you quit - this is something you have to do on your own. From the other room, after we gave her a list of reasons, I hear her say "So Giggle's baby will be born healthy".

WTF? What was that again? You don't give a rat's ass about our health, apparently, or our attempts at having a child (despite your complaints to the contrary) but you care about her child? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great, but where was all this concern when we were seriously trying? Why did we have to beg and plead and cajole and bribe JUST TO GET HER OUTSIDE? Forget trying to get her to quit - that just earned her whining to Aaron that I was making her feel like a criminal. It's my fucking house. She keeps reminding me of this. It should be my fucking rules, but I can't change a goddamn thing without her bitching about it. I've tried very hard not to make any rules, but it would be entirely within my right to order her ass outside. I'm just afraid they'd move out.

The other part of my brain, the apparently rational part, says "Why does it matter WHY she's quitting? Isn't it enough that she just is?" Apparently not, for I am very angry at her. I don't want to put up with her whiny, poor me, victim/martyr attitude over this. I am really, really glad that school starts on Monday. In the meantime, I think Foamy the Squirrel expresses it perfectly. (Warning: Language sensitive)

I am ashamed....

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Call for help

For once, nothing to do directly with me! :)

My SIL has been put on Methotrexate for her lupus. Prior to this the only thing I knew about it was that it was given to women with ectopic pregnancies. SIL has been forbidden to even think about the possibility that she might, one day, want to get pregnant while taking this...so she's aware of that effect. I also warned her of what I knew. :) I also strongly suspect that she has endo. She's in the process of getting tested for it - I think. At this point I'm not sure what she's doing, but the pain is killing her and she wants it done.

I know that many of you have probably taken the Methotrexate. I also know that a lot of you have endo. One question I have: Will the methotrexate help her endo pain? I'm not sure how methotrexate actually works, so I have no theories. Can anyone tell me how it works and if it might help her in that aspect?

Also, she's having horrible s/e's. I feel so sorry for her - they sound worse than what I went through when I first took Metformin (the effects of which are referred to as "salsa butt" now...). Her pharmacist told her she just has to ride it out. That would be great, if she was only taking it short term. As far as we know, she's on it until she decides she wants to start TTC...which she isn't sure she'll ever do, because of the lupus. Does anyone have any tips on what she can do to help ease the s/e's? I hate to see her like this - combined with her pain, she's hardly able to get out of bed!

Thanks girls! I appreciate your help - and I'm sure SIL does too.

Go Crazy? Don't mind if I do!

I have somehow developed a yeast infection. It's been around for 3 days. I think it's in response to the antibiotic I'm taking for my ear, although it's not listed as a side effect. I can't figure out any other reason I would have one. I haven't had one in...10 years? or so. Long enough that I can't rightly remember at any rate. It's driving me MAD! I think these things exist just to drive women abso-freaking-lutely nutso! I'm going to the store today but I might kill someone first!

On the killing front, Chuckles is still in danger. He loves to sass every last female in his life...both SIL's, MIL, me. When we get angry he says "I'm just teasing". He doesn't seem to get that IT'S NOT FUNNY. At least Giggles is ok with me slapping him, which I've done several times. He brings out the worst in me and it's frustrating. I have a hard enough time controlling my temper without someone intentionally provoking me just because he thinks it's funny. He also doesn't understand tone of voice and hasn't learned to read behind the words. Everyone knows that women rely on these two things to communicate. The smart man will learn this lesson quickly. The stupid one listens to just the words, filters it through his man brain, and then acts. Even when I am totally NOT subtle and tell him to knock it the fuck off...he doesn't get it. I've never met a more dense male in my LIFE!

Aaron had to ask MIL yet again to take her ass outside to smoke. Every time. Without fail. It's making Giggles nauseated to be exposed to it. Of course, we told her before Giggles arrived that she needed to go outside for the health of the baby and Giggles. She agreed...but then only goes out if Giggles is in the back room. Well, the smoke is getting into the kitchen (because it's an open area!) and making her sick. She's asked MIL a few times to go out, and MIL will...twice...but then she's back in. So Aaron got to be really firm with both her and FIL and told them it was making it hard for Giggles to breathe (he misunderstood, apparently) and they said they would. I doubt it...if they cared about someone's ability to breathe, they'd go outside always already since they know I have asthma. We'll see what happens. I don't want to get involved because it won't be pretty, but I will if I have to. I have no problem with ordering them to go outside or stop smoking.

School starts in 2 1/2 weeks. On one hand, it's only 2 1/2 weeks away! I haven't gotten 1/4 of the things done this summer that I wanted to. On the other hand, it's still 2 1/2 weeks away! I want/need to get out of this house. Chuckles will hopefully start his job soon, but I still need out. Because of my schedule I will probably be spending a lot more time on campus this year, which means a lot less time at home. :)

Ok...I think I'm done with my update. Please keep Baby Blues in your prayers. She just got her BFP and is spotting and on bedrest. Also, Adrienne got her BFP, and is having some worries. Please pray for them in the coming weeks. Thanks!

Glimpses of my soul

I know I've been doing a lot of things like this lately. I don't really have a whole lot else to say, aside from bitching about Chuckles and that gets old. I also think these can help give an insight into who I am and why I do the things I do. :) thanks to Snickollet for the latest link.



From the website:
"At work, ISFJs contribute loyal, sympathetic, consistent, and considerate service to others. They are know for their kindness and for their willingness to go to any length to help those in need. They take the practical needs of people into account when they do their work, and their strong follow-through skills allow them to carry out organizational goals. They do at least what is expected to them and oftentimes more, without attracting attention to themselves. They are painstaking and responsible with detail and routine, and feel it is important to have the right things in the right places at the right times."

That one is totally me. It's how I've ended up with a house full of family, even though I hate it sometimes. It's the right thing to do, because they need me/us. I can't boot them, as some people have suggested, because it's not who I am. I'll let them anger me and frustrate me and drive me to insanity...but I just CAN'T kick them out. They'd have nowhere to go and that would make me even more upset.

Also from the website: "The primary desire of the Protector SJ is to be of service to others, but here "service" means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life, as guarding others against life's pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security" and "ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after..."

This is also me. I am always trying to protect people, keep them from getting hurt and making the same mistakes I've made. I have a lot of life experience, either from listening to others (another ISFJ trait) or experiencing it myself. I remember, and apply, everything people tell me. It frustrates me when people don't listen...I'm trying to help, dammit! I try to remember what it was like when I was younger and didn't listen to my mom, and how frustrating it must have been for her to have to sit back and watch instead of strangling me. I'm not sure how she did it!

the website is pretty cool. It tells you other people, both real and fictional, who are your personality type. It also gives you good career matches. What do you know...medical technologist is listed, and that's my major!!!