Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The agony and the irony

My life is one big pot of irony right now.

MAJOR TMI AHEAD! IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH, STOP READING!!!

Based on an "earliest date" cycle, AF should have been here Monday. Crampy arrived, which sometimes happens the day before AF shows. I expected her to be here on Tuesday. While in Math class Tuesday, I swear I felt her arrive. Between Math and Spanish Lab, I ran to the bathroom and...nada. Not a spot, not a hint. I stuck on a pad anyhow, knowing that she would be there sometime that day. Several times I swear I could feel the blood...but when I checked, nothing. Last night I could smell it - you know how that happens from time to time - but nothing. Today? Still crampy. Still the royal bitch from hell. I haven't been THIS moody/pms-y in a long time. My uterus currently feels like it's own entity in there. But AF is not here, and I'm getting more and more angry with every passing cramp.

Does anyone else see this irony? We've been TTC for 3 years in February. I decided after last semester that I probably can't handle school and a pregnancy and that we were going to wait until I graduated to do any more treatments. For 3 years, AF has arrived within a few days of schedule, and never more than a day after Crampy the cat. Crampy's been around for 3 days now, and I'm ready for him to go away. For 3 years I've hated every cycle that's started over, because it meant another failure. This month, I took pains to avoid my O time so I wouldn't get pregnant...and now, now she's screwing with me. I have 3 tricks to make her show up, but can only do two of them because I don't own any white pants. I'm going to have to test...which is guaranteed to make her show up within the hour...or I'm going to have to break down and FD with Aaron tonight. That usually makes her arrive the next morning. I might FD and if she doesn't show, I'll test in the AM.

I realize that AF isn't officially "late" until next week. A stressful cycle, which this has been between school and mom, is usually about 28 days. It's the symptoms of AF that are killing me! I don't want them if I'm not going to get her too...that's not even remotely fair! The last irony is me complaining because she hasn't shown up when I'm usually bitching because she has - it just strikes me as several levels of wrong.

I'm sorry that I haven't been very good about posting. I don't have a lot to say other than "ACK! SCHOOL!" and that gets old fast. Thanks for still checking on me!

2 comments:

Adrienne said...

So, so, so frustrating when AF decides to take her own sweet time showing up! Hope you're feeling better soon.

MrsDrink said...

Hey, I still check in on you...just haven't had the time to write in my own blog.

Saw your other post about you being the only infertile blogger left...but don't forget me! I'm, unfortunately, still here too. = (

(((HUGS)))