The agony and the irony

My life is one big pot of irony right now.

MAJOR TMI AHEAD! IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH, STOP READING!!!

Based on an "earliest date" cycle, AF should have been here Monday. Crampy arrived, which sometimes happens the day before AF shows. I expected her to be here on Tuesday. While in Math class Tuesday, I swear I felt her arrive. Between Math and Spanish Lab, I ran to the bathroom and...nada. Not a spot, not a hint. I stuck on a pad anyhow, knowing that she would be there sometime that day. Several times I swear I could feel the blood...but when I checked, nothing. Last night I could smell it - you know how that happens from time to time - but nothing. Today? Still crampy. Still the royal bitch from hell. I haven't been THIS moody/pms-y in a long time. My uterus currently feels like it's own entity in there. But AF is not here, and I'm getting more and more angry with every passing cramp.

Does anyone else see this irony? We've been TTC for 3 years in February. I decided after last semester that I probably can't handle school and a pregnancy and that we were going to wait until I graduated to do any more treatments. For 3 years, AF has arrived within a few days of schedule, and never more than a day after Crampy the cat. Crampy's been around for 3 days now, and I'm ready for him to go away. For 3 years I've hated every cycle that's started over, because it meant another failure. This month, I took pains to avoid my O time so I wouldn't get pregnant...and now, now she's screwing with me. I have 3 tricks to make her show up, but can only do two of them because I don't own any white pants. I'm going to have to test...which is guaranteed to make her show up within the hour...or I'm going to have to break down and FD with Aaron tonight. That usually makes her arrive the next morning. I might FD and if she doesn't show, I'll test in the AM.

I realize that AF isn't officially "late" until next week. A stressful cycle, which this has been between school and mom, is usually about 28 days. It's the symptoms of AF that are killing me! I don't want them if I'm not going to get her too...that's not even remotely fair! The last irony is me complaining because she hasn't shown up when I'm usually bitching because she has - it just strikes me as several levels of wrong.

I'm sorry that I haven't been very good about posting. I don't have a lot to say other than "ACK! SCHOOL!" and that gets old fast. Thanks for still checking on me!

Biological IF hypothesis

This may not make sense to most of you, but I am totally stoked. Scan for the important details. If you're a biology person...what do you think?

Backstory: DH has spherocytosis. The lining of his red blood cells is too thin, so instead of being round it's spherical. He has had his spleen removed so it doesn't kill him. His mother, aunts, uncle, and sister all have it too. He also has morphology/motility issues.

I was in biology class today and we were discussing eukaryotic cells. Eukaryotic cells have a cytoskeleton that gives them shape and is also what causes them to be motile. (Anyone see where I'm going with this yet?!) Red blood cells, when they are created, are eukaryotic (although later they aren't). So the DO have a cytoskeleton. Sperm are also eukaryotic and have a cytoskeleton.

Dh's red blood cells are a funny shape. So is his sperm. He also only has about 51% motility. I am beginning to think that he has a cytoskeleton issue...causing both the blood disorder AND the infertility. His one uncle has spherocytosis and can't have kids. They've always assumed it's because he had the mumps as a kid. Maybe it's not!!! MAYBE THE TWO ARE LINKED!

There is no cure for spherocytosis. It's really rare. There is no cure for funky morphology either. I'm wondering...do the two share a chromosome or a protein? Could there be a cure for both, something no one has put together? I'm going to talk to my professor on Tuesday. Meanwhile...omg I'm thrilled at the idea. Even if there isn't a "fix", maybe there's a reason!!!

I've been lapped...

again.

Now, a disclaimer before I post: I am happy for my IF sister who has lapped me. Don't get me wrong. If your'e reading this, hun (and you know who you are), please believe that I am SO happy for you. I thank you for sending out a small Email before posting for the whole board. But you also know, having done this for many years, how hard it can be for those of us on the outside still. And thus begins my post.

As most of you know by now, Aaron and I have been TTC almost 3 years. It will be 3 years sometime next month - I don't know when I stopped taking my pills, because I didn't bother to count. I didn't think it would take THIS long. About 6 months into starting, I had a chemical pregnancy. At the time I didn't know what that was, and went in search of answers. I stumbled across the WebMD JSO board, where I made my home for a year after that. At the end of that year, I moved over to the 6+ board, and eventually on to ITSG/CFC board.

While I was on the JSO board I met a wonderful group of women. They eventually moved off the boards and onto yahoo, but have still kept in touch with each other. A new group of girls moved in, and I became friends with them. We all moved over to 6+ about the same time, and some of us ended up on the ITSG/CFC board and have remained a source of support for each other all this time.

I have now been lapped by two of my sisters. They have each announced a second pregnancy while I am still waiting for my first. I don't begrudge them their trials in getting pregnant both times - Lord only knows if I would be able to go through what they've gone through once, let alone twice. They deserve this. But...it's hard to be completely happy. I want to rage "Why?! Why not some of the rest of us who are still waiting for our first?! Why do others get to have more than one while some of us would be totally ecstatic to have just one?" Isn't there a queue somewhere, with God handing out babies to those in line? Are these other people just line cutters...or are the rest of us just not paying attention and missing our turn?

Sometimes I feel like I no longer have the right to bitch when others announce their pregnancies and I'm still waiting. It's not like I'm doing treatments anymore, and we know that without help we only have a 1% chance each month. I'm not using opk's, or temping, or eating the magical juju fruit. I'm trying very hard not to time sex anymore either - it's taking too much of a toll. I want my life back, but I want to be pregnant too. On the other hand, it would probably be for the best if I didn't get pregnant right now, since I'm trying to go to school. Doesn't mean I don't want it, doesn't mean I won't be thrilled as all hell if we somehow manage it. But if I'm not trying, really trying, anymore...what right do I still have?

Preggo Bloggers

It seems they're everywhere. I've been trying to read new blogs in the past few weeks, stemming from the creme-de-la-creme post I mentioned before. I've been visiting blogs, and going to other blogs from there. And it seems like almost every single damn one of them is pregnant, when I look at their current postings. It's a slap every time, too. These people wrote such heartwrenching posts at some point last year, about their journey and where they were and what they had gone through...and now they're pregnant. Is that the key? Do I need to make a soulrending post about my infertility and hope that the BFP Fairy takes pity on me?

I don't mean to sound bitter, but I think I am. It keeps feeling like I'm the only infertile blogger left - well, me and Wendy, and this guy's wife. Everyone else is pregnant, in one stage or another, and it's bringing to the surface all the anger I thought was gone. I thoughts I wasn't angry about not having a child, about the definite possibility that I will be 35 before I get to go through treatments again. I thought I was done being bitter that those around me seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and that most of the people I know who are infertile are now joining the preggo world.

I guess not.

School makes me sick

Literally.

School starts up again tomorrow. For the next 16 weeks I'm going to be up to my ears in Biology (chapter 8 is on infertility and reproduction...WOO!), Spanish, and Math. I forsee lots of homework.

At any rate, I woke up this morning with a cold sore. A big one. On the left side of my upper lip. OWIE! I showed Aaron, who said "You had one of those at the beginning of last semester too." I did? If he says so...I can't remember that far back! It's been 20 weeks! At any rate, in the last hour I've started sneezing, my nose is draining, I feel all stuffy. Great. Sick for the first day of classes. So I asked Aaron "Was I sick at the beginning last time too?" to which he replied "Yes. You had a cold sore, were sick, AND AF was in the house. You're one step better this time."

SHHHH! Speak not the name of the foul witch! I don't put it past her to show up again, just to screw with me. I haven't even O'd yet - she showed up last Sunday so I'm only on CD9 of I've-lost-count-of-what-cycle-I'm-on.

I have most of my books. I say "most", because my Spanish books aren't on the website yet. I can't purchase them online. I just found out last night from a friend who works at the bookstore that all of the Spanish classes use the same bundle. I'm going to have to trek to the bookstore and fight all the people to get my books today. And I'm sick. I don't wanna!!! But I have to have the books. I'm really frustrated with my professor AND the department. The department, because they are the one who puts the orders in for the books...and the books may or may not be at the actual bookstore yet. The professor because there should have been an Email sent out, or a message posted on Blackboard (the program that most profs use to leave class messages and grades), or something to let everyone know that they needed to pick up the bundle. He doesn't even have Email so his students can contact him!!!

What kind of professor doesn't have Email in this day and age? He's teaching college students, for pete's sake. You know, the people who are firmly attached to technology of some sort all the time? A computer, laptop, beeper, cell phone, pager, PDA, 3 different messaging programs, etc? There should be some way to contact him...and there wasn't even a phone number.

Grah. I'm going to go play video games now, as this might be my last chance until summer (or spring break at the very least).

Healing

I am on a blogroll, created by the wonderful people over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. Recently, Mel asked for people to send in their best posts of 2006. The truly heartfelt posts, the ones that sum up something important to you. I've spent the last several days reading over these posts. You can find them here.

Over the past several days, I've found that I'm not alone. Not that I ever thought I truly was - I know too many of the girls over at WebMD for that - but even though I share so much with them, at times it seems I'm the only one to feel a certain way. I've read posts from husbands, wives, surrogates. Infertiles, pregnant after infertility, just starting out the journey. Those who've lost hope and have stopped, those determined to keep on, those who are taking a break and those who have chosen other options. Some posts are recent, some are from the beginning of last year. Regardless, they've all helped me heal in some ways.

I feel incredibly peaceful with my choices right now. I thank every single one of you who submitted your posts for being brave enough to share with everyone your most poignant post, for linking it where everyone can see. To the Town Criers, I want to say thank you for making the blog roll, and doing such wonderful things for the infertile community. I've learned of many new blogs along the way, and I wouldn't have found them without you.

To those who have left me comments - thank you. They mean a lot to me, to know that others are doing more than just stopping in, to know that my blog post meant something to someone. To my new readers - thank you, as well, for coming by. I hope you come back to see how things are, and if you have a blog I'll find my way there as well.

One of my bigger pet peeves in life

People who can't speak, type, or understand English very well who work in an occupation where these things are vital.

What's brought this on at the moment is this:

My company has an internal website, available via intranet only. I understand this. There are "employee offers" that are available to us, and some of them require the internet to access...which we do not have at work. Some of those offers have Insibeen made accessable, because the proxy has been changed to allow it (from what I understand of that stuff, which isn't much). However, some of the sites, like the bookstore that offers discount on Pearson books, are still blocked. I notified them of this issue last June, and still nothing has been fixed.

Here's where my rant fits in: I emailed the admin team yesterday, telling them all this. I asked them if there was a way to get the proxy fixed to allow access, since I couldn't access from work. The reply I got was that "Inside Teams site only use for work. If need link to the other web site, use this links: http://inside.ncspearson.com/
You may be able find what you need." I told the person that I tried to use that from work, and I went to the employee offers page, and when I clicked on the bookstore I received the "Page cannot be displayed" error. Could they please tell me if there was another way to access the offers, or fix the proxy? To which I received this gem: "You can not access from outside, because this is intranet means for internal use only."

Really? Are you sure? Because I think I have clearly stated that I am trying to access the offers from work and can't and would you please fix the fucking thing so I can because they are worthless as they are. I responded back with "I understand that I can only access the intranet from work, but these offers require internet and I can't access THOSE from work...which is the only place to access the intranet to start with. Could you please either fix the proxy or send me a paper way to access these offers? I hope that works because I am going to kill someone.

Dear lord, people - he doesn't seem to get that I understand very well that it's internal. I've been trying to access it from work. I can't. How hard is a request for help to fix the stupid thing to understand? Apparently a lot. At this rate I may end up calling the help desk...which usually isn't any help at all when it comes to this sort of thing...and asking them to please fix it.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

I might start becoming a BSU Bronco's fan after all. I have never cared about football, much, until I was given a reason to. If you aren't a sports fan, stop now and thanks for visiting today. :)

BSU attended their first bowl game ever last night. We went to the Fiesta Bowl as undefeated. We are still undefeated! In a very hard fought, and well played game, we won in overtime 43-42! ESPN called it an "instant classic" and "one of the more amazing games in recent memory". I like this story better, though. It's a rather moving peice...and tells the play-by-play of how one player asked his cheerleader girlfriend to marry him ON FIELD after the game. WOO! It's enough to stir me!

Aaron, Nomi, and Timm all gave me reason to care about the game. They told me "If they win, it's more money for the sports team. That means that the money currently going to the sports team from the college won't be going there anymore...which means that money goes back to the rest of the school. It also means more prestige, which means better majors, professors, and more students." So...selfish as this sounds, I'm glad they won because it means maybe my tuition won't go up so much! But dagnabbit - I might actually start caring. I can't believe I'm actually excited about the outcome of a bowl game...

Mom is back in the hospital

She had her hip replaced the week before Christmas and got out of the hospital the day before Christmas. At the time they knew there was a small fracture in that hip - they saw it on xray. Mom heard her hip "clicking" yesterday and called the hospital who told her if it got worse to come in. At noon yesterday she tried to get up (she has a lift chair) and couldn't. She ended up calling 911 and being taken in via ambulance to the ER. Her orthopedic surgeon is at the Rose Bowl, so another surgeon looked at her. He was going to send her home! My mother refused because she knew something was wrong, so he sent for another orthopedic. The second one said "Yup, something's wrong" and called mom's surgeon. Apparently the little break is now a bigger break. Mom's doc said "You can go home, or better yet stay in the hospital. I'll be back on Monday, we'll do surgery on Tuesday." So she's in the hospital until then, and Tuesday she probably gets a pin put in her hip bone. After that, dad wants to put her in a nursing home for a few weeks for rehab. Mom is less than stellarly pleased about this...just the idea of being put in a "nursing home" is enough to depress her. If it had another name, perhaps it would be better. She's always hated the idea of not being able to take care of herself.

My dad is stressed to the max. He actually sounds stressed, which is unusual for him. He's one of the calmest people I know. However, he's been getting up at 4am to go to work and not getting home until at least 8pm. Then he has to catch up on laundry and dishes and eat, and it's almost 10pm before he gets to sleep. He's getting about 5 hours of sleep a night. The man is almost 60 - he shouldn't be working these kinds of hours. What happens if he has a heart attack? He's at that age, and even though he's really healthy it could still happen. He won't be able to take care of mom, she won't be able to take care of him. I can't go down there to take care of them...not without quitting school, taking semi-permanent leave from my work, and running the risk of bankrupting us without my income. My sister can't come up here - she's got 2 kids. We won't even discuss my brother - he's still in Lovelock, so far as I know, and even if he weren't there's no way in hell I'd trust him to take care of them properly.

What am I going to do? I feel so guilty for not being there for my parents. I should be there, dammit. They're my parents. Next to Aaron, they're all I've got. This is not a good way to start the new year. OH! Speaking of which:

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

OMG Boobies! And they're REAL!

I took best friend Nomi to the mall on Tuesday, because she had a gift card but no car. Yes, I know we're crazy for going to the mall the day after Christmas but it wasn't that bad really. Parking was a bitch, but other than that...

Anyhow, the reason for this post. We were at Lane Bryant and Nomi showed me the bras she wears. She can't sing their praises enough, apparently. We decided I should get measured, so I know what size I really take instead of just guessing...just in case I decide to get a new bra soon. I told the lady I needed measured and into the changing room we went. I've been wearing about a 40C, but that's only because it's the only thing remotely comfy I can find. The lady's diagnosis? I am a 36DDD. That's right...DDD.

I went next door to Victoria's Secret, because I knew that they did sizing. The lady there asked me what I wore and I told her 40C (because it's what I had on). She did the FASTEST fitting and said "I have you at a 40 C/D". She's so full of crap. Never trust those people.

Nomi and I decided I should split the difference, since a 36 was a bit tight. I went with a 38DD. Aaron and I went back to Lane Bryant and bought me a new bra. I wore it for the first time today and HOLY BOOBIES BATMAN! If I stand up straight I can't see my toes - and not because my tummy is in the way. Not only that, but I can't see my tummy - and it's not because I've lost a lot of weight (although I have lost 8 pounds). No...none of those things. It's because my boobs are too big to see anything else.

Aaron, of course, loves them. I am not sure what to do with them. I remember having boobs before, big ones...but I was 118 pounds then, in a size 10 pants, with 36B's. I was bigger than that (pound wise) when Aaron and I met almost 4 years ago. I was about 180, still with 36B's, but they've been growing at random ever since. I haven't gained any weight in the past year, but I've gone up at least 2 cup sizes since then...4 in the past 4 years. I can't keep up this rate of growth...can I?! I'm already afraid that if I go outside when it's cold that I'm going to poke someone's eyes out...

So that's my most recent drama...that doesn't involve parents, at any rate. :) Hope you got a chuckle!

People who overstep infuriate me!

Some of you may not know (because you don't belong to the WebMD boards) that I set up a Secret Santa project for the ITSG board this year. I did the same thing last year and it was a lot of fun. It's very very important to me, although I am not sure why. Maybe because I like doing things for people, and I love the girls on that board to death.

Well, one girl who lurks over there from the 6+ board asked if she could be involved. Her board was having a hard time, and wasn't doing anything like that, but she wanted to participate. I asked a few others if they minded, they said no, so I agreed to let her in.

I got everyone assigned, with no troubles. Last year the reveal was done before Christmas, but this year there were a lot of people out of town and others hadn't gotten their gifts. I have been trying to wait until the prior two things were resolved before revealing who had who. I have also tried to keep the girls updated on what's going on, and when the reveal is.

Today I sent out an Email, telling the girls that we would reveal tomorrow. Everyone should be back in town by then, so it could be the big reveal I was hoping for. I got several responses saying "But it's already been done on the board this morning." WTF? I raced over to the board to take a peek. Sure enough. Guess who overstepped her bounds and decided to take the reveal over from me? Yeah...the girl from 6+. She decided that she would just start the revelations this morning. WHERE DOES SHE GET OFF? It's not her project, it's not her right to say when the reveal should happen. I am so pissed off at her right now it's not even funny. How dare she do something like this on a board she doesn't even belong to, when she was allowed in only because she asked and everyone else said it was ok? I know...I'm probably being petty, but I hate being pushed aside on something that was really important to me. She had no right to do that when she wasn't the one in charge.

Call me petty, call me silly...but I'm seriously upset over here. I know I don't post a lot there anymore, but that's because I don't have anything going. I have, however, kept the girls as up to date as I could...both on the board and through Email, so no one would miss anything. I could cry.

Merry Christmas y'all!

Aaron and I are headed to my parents' house this morning for Christmas. We were supposed to leave last night, but they got a foot of snow Friday evening and dad thought it would be best if we waited. :) I happen to agree, even if it does frustrate me.

I think I forgot to mention that mom was having her hip replaced on Tuesday. She's doing well, but won't be coming home until Christmas Eve. They were going to send her home today but dad has to work and I'm not comfy being in the house alone with her. I don't feel capable of taking care of her on my own, so I told her I was perfectly fine with her staying in there until Sunday. Give her another day of pure rest! The hospital is also going to be sending a Home Health nurse person to the house starting Tuesday to help out, since dad has to go back to work.

At any rate, I wanted to thank all of you for continuing to come here and read my blog, even if it isn't getting updated very often and there's nothing exciting going on. It means a lot to me that you're still here after all this time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

I hope you all get what you want the most!

I are teh smart! :)

I finally have all my class grades. They aren't "finalized" until January 4th, to give people time to protest, but I won't be doing that.

English: A+

Music: A-

Criminal Justice: B

Sociology: B-

Next semester it's Math, Biology, Spanish. It's a heavy load, but nowI think I can do it. I know, without a doubt, that I could have done better in Criminal Justice and Sociology if I'd really tried to. I didn't do a whole lot of the reading for those classes - just took the study guides, found the answers, went from there and crossed my fingers! But W00T! I PASSED!!

Drumroll Please!

I am now a free woman for the next 4 weeks. I took my last final today. Grades HAVE to be posted by 12/20, and are finalized on 1/4. Some of my professors, however, already have grades up.

Music: A- (I thought I was going to get a C!)
Criminal Justice: B (a very solid one, I might add)
English: not in yet, but I think I have an A
Sociology: also not in yet, but had a shaky B- going in. How I did on the final will sway the balance.

Not too shabby, all things considered. I'm looking forward to this next semester (if not all the work that goes with it). I've changed my major...again...for the 3rd time this semester. What can I say - I'm indecisive. I have now settled on Social Science. It sounds interesting, and the classes I took this semester put me a lot closer to having most of the work done (except the SS specific classes).

Next semester it's Biology 100 + lab, Spanish 101 + lab, and Intro to Mathematical Thought. I may add on a fourth class - I'll have to see closer to the start of semester how I feel about that. All of those classes are 4 credits, but if you include labs then I have 5 classes. That's a lot of homework! If I DO add another class it's going to have to be something easy and fun, with not much homework.

Ok...time for me to go get ready for a Christmas Party. Aaron and I are selling Avon now, and there is an area party tonight. I figured it might be good for us to go schmooze with other reps. :) I hope you all have a wonderfully MERRY CHRISTMAS, and I will try to update again soon. Thanks for checking in on me!

Nothing new...

There really isn't much to update. I'm healing very well from the surgery. I'm still a little sore, and have trouble lifting very many thing, but I'm working on it.

Finals are next week, and I have a ton of stuff to do in the meantime. I have an assignment due on Wednesday and my final essays are due Friday, along with my final journal. I'm more than a little nervous about that. I'm also nervous about my final grades, although I'm sure I did well. I think I'll end up with an A in English, a B in Sociology and Criminal Justice and a C in Music.

I've changed my major to socialwork. Almost anything I want to do in the CJ system can be done with a Socialwork degree, as well as anything in an office. I've also made a lot of progress toward that degree between this semester and next, which makes me happy.

This blog is probably going to slow down a lot since I don't have a lot going on. There's nothing on the TTC front at all for the foreseeable future. School is all consuming, but beyond papers and reading there isn't much to report on that front either. I thank all of you for continuing to check up on me, and I'll update as often as there's something to report.

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

Just wanted to say how much I appreciate everyone who comes here to read this on a semi-regular basis. You don' t know how much it means to me that you still care enough about me after all this time to keep checking up on me, even when I don't have much to report and my TTC life is at a standstill. It's good to know I have friends everywhere. Thank you so much!

I hope you all have/had a very wonderful Thanksgiving and are stuffed (ha!) to the gills with yumminess!

I survived!

I'm sore as all get out, but I lived. Painkillers every 4 hours on the dot help a lot. I've been trying to get up and walk around but it hurts...it's hard to make myself do it, but I'm afraid if I don't the muscles will tighten up and that hurts more.

Surgery was interesting. They didn't get me into my "room" until 9:20 (was supposed to start at 9:00). They had the IV in around 9:50 and at 10:00 Aaron leaned on it and made it hurt. At 11:15 my anesthesiologist came by - my actual surgery was supposed to start at 11:00. At about 11:30 they wheeled me into the OR. I remember feeling a bit woozy - telling them it was a good thing I was already laying down because I felt light-headed! The nurse lady said that's because she gave me something to make me woozy. The next thing I knew, I was having an asthma attack! Not a fun way to wake up, let me tell ya! I was all done, though, and in recovery. Time was about 1:15 when I could finally see the clock. I left the hospital about 4:00 and proceeded to fall asleep every 30 seconds for 10 minute bursts all the rest of the day. Aaron had the audacity to accuse me of being incoherent yesterday! Just because I was all drugged...

I have several rashes on my chest from the EKG pads they put on me to monitor my heart. I TOLD them I was allergic to adhesive, that I was allergic to the EKG pads, but they did it anyway. My chest itches like a sonofabitch, and it's bruised because I keep scratching/rubbing it. I also found a pad on my back today that they so kindly left for me...not very happy about that!

Well, that's all for now folks. I'm going to go play FFXII some more, chill on the couch. :) Have a great weekend!

The pre-op appt

I am only doing one surgery. I can't get the schedules to match up without waiting until December and I don't want to wait that long. I'm already stressed out to the gills - I've lost 7 pounds in the last week, despite not eating much, and my hair is falling out at a rapid rate. I'm having panic attacks every other day, my TMJ has flared up every few days. My back muscles, between my shoulderblades, have been a lot more painful and tense the past few days. I keep stretching but it doesn't help much. Between the stress, and carrying my books (which I swear are getting heavier and need to go on a diet), my back is ready to give out on me!

I had my pre-op appt on Thursday. It didn't help matter to have more information. Now I have a whole new set of questions to add to my old ones. The lady did tell me that if I'm a nervous wreck (which is normal) that I can ask them to give me something to relax - probably Demerol, which I hear is great stuff. I have an entire instruction sheet of things to do before going in for surgery, stuff to take with me, things not to do. I have my own sheet of things I need to remember to tell them, or ask them, before I go under.

My gallbladder is acting up more and more lately. Yesterday my shoulderblade area hurt all damn day with no end in sight. It actually started the night before in my ribs. They tell me that my gallbladder can cause shoulder pain (it radiates upwards), so I'm assuming that's what was causing it. It felt like my shoulderblade was caught on my ribs, or something to that effect, and nothing was working.

So that's my update. I will try to update again after the surgery this coming Thursday but I make absolutely no guarantees. I will probably be drugged to the gills for a few days and if I'm feeling better by Tuesday, I have to work all day Tuesday and Wednesday in preparation for Thanksgiving. If I don't post before that..HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING Y'ALL!

One surgery is a go

The gallbladder surgery is currently set for Thursday November 16th at 9am MST. I won't actually go into surgery until 11am, they plan 45 minutes for the surgery itself, and then two more hours for recovery.

This may all change, however. The gallbladder surgeon (henceforth known as Dr Giles) only does surgery on Wednesdays & Thursdays. The OB surgeon (henceforth known as Dr Poole) doesn't do surgery on Thursdays. See the problem? Well, I am willing to move my date around if I need to in order to accomodate them.

I am, however, extremely displeased with Dr. Poole's surgery scheduler at the moment. I scheduled with Dr. Giles' person yesterday. She was supposed to get in touch with Dr. Poole's person. I called Dr. Poole's person yesterday afternoon to ask if he had surgery permissions at St. Alphonsus (where I am getting my surgery done). She called back and said "Yes, he has permission at St. Luke's". Whaaaaa? So I called back, and they put me on hold...and never answered my call or transferred me to her voicemail. This morning, 8am, I called Dr. Poole's scheduler. I spoke directly to her and yes, he does have permissions. Then she told me that he doesn't work no Thursdays, but that she would talk to him as soon as he arrived to see what he wanted to do...and she'd call me back in a few hours. At 1:00, when I got out of class, I called her again. She said "I will talk to Dr. Poole in just a few minutes and try to get back to you today." I don't have time to screw around, lady! I need to take time off work, talk to my profs, Aaron needs/wants to take the day off - all of which takes time.

So...I am giving Dr. Poole's scheduler until end of day tomorrow to contact me with a date. I don't need the added stress of all this - I'm already fully panicky and morbid. I've had two passive panic attacks in two days! If she doesn't call me, I will inform them that I will not be doing my endo lap with them at this time. I may consent to do it next summer, when I don't have so much going on. Who knows...just have to see how it plays out.

Small update

The ultrasound showed 2 gallstones that were big enough to throw a shadow - which means that there were 2 big enough to disrupt the sonic waves. If there are smaller ones, they can't see them. This means it's entirely possible that I have a gravel pit in there!

Tuesday I go to meet with a surgeon for the gallstones. I spoke with both his scheduler and the one for the OB that I went to and they both say that I can get my endo lap done at the same time as the gallbladder removal. YAY! I am going to have to check on insurance stuff, make sure it's all covered the way I think it will be.

I am going to try and hold off on doing the surgery until the week of Thanksgiving. I don't think I'm going to be able to, but it would be best. I don't have any school that week and the office is only open for two days. I'm going to have to use up all my vacation time when I do this...I'd prefer at least some of it was holiday! I am, however, driving both myself AND Aaron nuts with my wondering about the surgery. I don't know what to expect afterwards. I think it's going to be hella painful...Aaron says I'll be sore, but fine in a few days. I'm anticipating one of us on the couch (probably him, or the cats will be jumping on me all night), he thinks we'll be ok in the same bed. I'm thinking "Give me Percocet to take home", he's thinking "Vicodin every few hours should be just fine". I've heard reports of everything from a few days recovery to 6 weeks...just for the gallbladder. Having two at once is going to be harder on me...and I'm already a very slow healer whose body reacts strongly to pain.

This is not going to be pretty...not even a little. I will try to update again later this week, after I talk to the surgeon.